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The Dictionary of Modern Relationships
Language shapes our reality. As relationship dynamics evolve, so too does the vocabulary we use to describe them. This glossary provides clinical and community definitions for terms frequently used in the realms of psychology, non-monogamy, and infidelity recovery.
Affair Fog
A cognitive state experienced by a wayward partner during an affair, characterized by euphoria, denial, and a distorted perception of reality. It often involves vilifying the primary spouse to justify the infidelity.
Anchor Partner
In non-hierarchical polyamory, a partner with whom one shares a significant degree of entanglement (e.g., finances, co-parenting) but without the implied ranking of "primary."
Attachment Style
A psychological model describing the dynamics of long-term and short-term interpersonal relationships between humans. See Attachment Styles.
Compersion
The feeling of joy one has when witnessing their partner's happiness with another person. Often described as the opposite of jealousy.
D-Day (Discovery Day)
The day a betrayed partner discovers the infidelity. It is often a traumatic event that divides the relationship timeline into "before" and "after."
Demisexual
A sexual orientation where an individual only experiences sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection.
ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy)
An umbrella term for relationships in which all partners consent to non-exclusive sexual or romantic partnerships. Also known as Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM). See Ethical Non-Monogamy.
Gaslighting
A form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity.
Hierarchical Polyamory
A relationship structure where certain relationships are prioritized above others, typically distinguished as "primary" and "secondary."
Hysterical Bonding
A period of intense sexual and emotional connection between partners following the discovery of infidelity, driven by fear of loss and a desire to reclaim the relationship.
Kitchen Table Polyamory
A style of polyamory where all members of a polycule (partners and metamours) are comfortable enough with each other to gather around a kitchen table for coffee or a meal.
Limerence
An involuntary state of mind resulting from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.
Love Bombing
An attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to gain control.
Metamour
Your partner's partner. A person with whom you share a partner but with whom you are not romantic yourself.
Micro-Cheating
A set of behaviors that straddle the line between faithfulness and infidelity, such as secretive messaging, emotional intimacy with others, or maintaining a dating profile "just to look."
NRE (New Relationship Energy)
The state of intense excitement, infatuation, and sexual arousal experienced at the beginning of a new romantic relationship. It typically lasts from 6 months to 2 years.
Nesting Partner
A partner with whom one lives/cohabitates.
Parallel Polyamory
A style of polyamory where partners are aware of each other's other relationships but have little to no contact with metamours.
Polycule
A connected network of people in polyamorous relationships (e.g., You, your partner, your partner's partner, etc.).
Relationship Anarchy
A philosophy that rejects the categorization of relationships (e.g., "friends" vs. "partners") and believes all relationships should be allowed to develop naturally without adherence to social norms.
Solo Polyamory
An approach to polyamory where an individual has multiple intimate relationships but identifies primarily as a single unit, avoiding financial or domestic entanglement.
Triad (Throuple)
A relationship involving three people who are all romantically involved with one another.
Unicorn Hunting
A controversial practice where a couple seeks a bisexual person (usually a woman) to join their relationship, often with restrictive rules and an expectation of exclusivity to the couple.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)?
Ethical Non-Monogamy is an umbrella term for relationships in which all parties consent to non-exclusive romantic or sexual partnerships. It is built on transparency, negotiation, and enthusiastic consent.
What is the difference between polyamory and swinging?
Polyamory emphasizes the capacity to love multiple people simultaneously with deep emotional commitment, whereas swinging typically focuses on recreational sex with others, usually as a couple, with rules often prohibiting romantic attachment.
What is Kitchen Table Polyamory?
A style of polyamory emphasizing family-like connection among a network where everyone in the polycule (partners and metamours) is comfortable enough to gather around a kitchen table.